The first foods my son ate I made myself — you know.
Making my own baby food became too time-consuming, so I switched to store-bought jars and pouches. I even boasted about finding good deals at my grocer — not as good as homemade, but near enough to satisfy this mom.
Then, the constipation struck.
Not my own, my son’s.
In the imaginary instruction manual I’m going to write for hospitals to hand out to new parents on their way home with their bundles of joy, I’m going to have a whole section on constipation.
What it looks like. (Rabbit poop.)
What it sounds like. (A lot of fuss.)
What causes it.
When I asked what caused my son’s sudden constipation — thinking it was something I’d been eating — the answer came matter-of-factly and immediately from other moms’. Like it’s well-known. Maybe it is.
But I didn’t know.
“ABC’s,” they told me, which stands for apples, bananas and cereal (of the rice variety). The internet confirmed.
I checked the pouches I’d been getting for $0.69-1.29.
Apples, apples, apples. Bananas, bananas, bananas. Apples, bananas, apples.
OK, I thought, I’ll get baby food without apples or bananas. He doesn’t eat a lot of rice, no rice cereal.
Perusing the baby food aisle during my next grocery shopping trip, I discovered something annoying about my go-to store-bought baby food brands: If it’s inexpensive, apples and bananas are the first ingredients.
What. The. Hell.
If I wanted something with a pineapple-, pear- or spinach-base (that also wasn’t just sweet potatoes over and over and over again), I needed to cough up nearly $2 per pouch — still less than the $3-per-pouch brand of rainbow-infused wheatberry ground by hand.
Now, with fewer coupons in hand, I split my baby food spend between super apple-y food and food without the ABC’s — just in time for my son to decide he needed to eat THREE jars and pouches per meal, instead of two.
On top of this, we’re weaning from breastfeeding — at a year of breastfeeding (my goal) and the end of my patience with the whole mess (but that’s another blog post) — so I buy whole milk.
I’m not sure if you can sense the eye roll in my writing so I’m going to go ahead and indicate one in text form.
Constipation is a demon akin to teething when it comes to the fuss my son can work up. He’s pro at fuss.
To cure his condition, my husband and I overcompensated. The cure for constipation is to increase oatmeal, prunes and maybe a dairy product so I put all three in his face daily in hopes of relieving his discomfort.
It worked, but… what we didn’t know was how the side-effects of a round of ear-infection antibiotics would interact with his constipation and new diet.
Our intentions were so good, you guys.
The result? A poo-pocalypse of epic proportions. Like something out of a horror movie. Every poo during Baby’s First Christmas was a blow out. I think we made two baby-poop-caused stops on the way home from Indiana.
I shudder thinking about it now.
This is going in the instruction manual, too. Crowd funding soon.